Just a little getaway, from all the pain.
Sometimes.. It hurts to smile. Don't judge me, I don't need sympathy. Just a little girl lost on this rocky path trying to find a way.. I'm Arie.
I don’t think they’ll ever be able to accept me flaws and all. I am every mistake, I’ve ever made. I am every heart I ever broke. I have a lot I regret. It might never go away. I’m no where near perfect. I make mistakes every single day. But everybody does. I made of imperfect flaws. It seems like I keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again. I’m supposed to be learning from them. Hopefully soon I’ll find my way, this path isn’t the way I want to be going. AT ALL.
Feeling a little empty, a little upset, a little depressed but I don’t know why though. I feel like I’m not good enough for some people. I feel like I’ll never be accepted for being who I am. I’ll never be good enough to be me. Times like now, people care nothing about your feelings. You can’t tell people to much without being judged. But I guess this is what our society has turned into. But you can’t always blame society, because the people we surround ourselves with make up society. So you never know what’s the problem. But I feel that you should be careful what you tell people because you never know what’s roaming through there head. One little thing could trigger there whole mind set.
People will do anything to tear you down. ANYTHING. I don’t understand why someone’s happiness causes someone so much hate. Why can’t I just be happy? WHY? No one knows, I don’t know. I wish I knew. I wish somebody would just listen to me scream for once. I wish somebody could hear the screams I want to let out. But they would just all think I am crazy. I know how it goes, I just can’t hold it in forever.
Knowing that your being talked about hurts, knowing that what they’re saying hurts more. I smile and laugh like nothing has ever been better, knowing I just want to break down and cry. They don’t know. They don’t understand. I don’t bother explaining. I keep everything to myself, maybe that’s the problem. But there’s no one around I trust well enough to help fix my problem. I’m only a Freshman and already going through hell. It’s hard. I’m socially deprived of REAL friends. I don’t trust ANYONE. Bestfriends? I don’t honestly think they’re always gonna be there. I try not to show my pain, I don’t want people asking questions. All I wanna do is breakdown and cry. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE LITTLE GIRL INSIDE OF ME GOES THROUGH. I am only a child. I can’t take all this nonsense. I try so hard to make it through. I act like nothing is ever wrong, but I know something everybody else doesn’t. I don’t know how much longer I can take it. One day soon, I will finally break down and let it all go.
Last night, I flipped out.. but hey, it happens.. now I don’t wanna talk to him.. I woke up to some bullshit from the one I love the most, but maybe he doesn’t love me as much as he thought he did.. that shit hurts.. BAD.
Physically, Emotionally, Mentally.. I’m just tired.. I need a getaway, faraway.. Nobody knows, NOBODY.. I have not successfully done any self harm, suicide.. that’s been an option a couple of times.. but.. I can’t, I’m to weak to fight back.. It’s just taking over me.. Soon I will do nothing, but be tired and depressed, I want to go back to the old me.. when nothing bothered me, when I believed everything was okay.. ,aybe that’ll all come back to me one day.. maybe, maybe not.
